I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
