everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
