I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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