; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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