I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
