We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
