Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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