You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
