D3 body, D1 cock
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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