i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
