Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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