too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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