First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
