but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
