i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
