i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize