Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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