Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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