Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
