I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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