whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
