He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
