Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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