she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
