Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
