Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's blow job season.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
