Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
