This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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