So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
