This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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