Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
