I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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