Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
