wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drunk is not a location!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
