My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
