i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize