Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
