I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
