Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
