we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its liver damage thursday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
