we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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