so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
