Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
