Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
