i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
