Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize