I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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