Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
