oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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