I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
