the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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