Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
