If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
