I'm going to jail i love you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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