No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
