After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're too hungover to prance.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
