this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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