Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
