i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
