we have pet lesbian snakes
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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