The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
