UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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