I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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