Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
