you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
