Im at strip club and am horny
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
