Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
