before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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