My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
