she was so not down for the gang bang
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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