Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
