You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
