He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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