Jerry, you need to find god
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
