Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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