I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
