So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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