i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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