WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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