The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
