unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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