it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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