Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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