mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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