The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
