hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
