Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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