Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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