I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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