I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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