Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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