never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
