He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
