I should be sponsored by Trojan
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
