You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
