last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize