There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
