If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
