Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
