GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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