I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
