i don't like sucking hair
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize