Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
