I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize