thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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