I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
