Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize