I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
