I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
