How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she told me i tasted like america
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
