go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
