you guys were way drunker than both of me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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