1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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