Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
